Artificial intelligence - again

There's been a lot of discussion in the papers about how much AI will affect the world of work in the future. Well, translators have already seen their income plummet this year. Until last year, here in Germany, things were jogging along okay. A little bit down. 

Since the beginning of this year? Catastrophic. Over a thousand euros a month down and heaven knows what's ahead. 

Hopefully, potential clients will soon realise a few things:

1. These translation apps and the like can't recognise mistakes. I'm currently translating a text on Venice. For a magazine. I've discovered two mistakes in a not very long text: instead of a place being one square kilometre in size, the author has typed one square metre. Will so-called artificial intelligence pick up on this? And will it realise that the name Murano has been incorrectly typed as Murona at one point? I doubt it.

I even translated a discussion paper for a German ministry that had already been published online. I found one major mistake (a sentence with no ending) and two things that had been miscategorised. Again, these translation apps translate what is there, without thinking about what they are translation.

2. The translation app won't produce a text in a style that is right for the target audience. I've just translated some in-flight games for an airline company. I saw the PDF-files that showed the layout of the games. Someone had put in some text in English already - very probably using some free translation app. Oh, my! If you compare what they had inserted and the text that I finally ended up with after going through it four times, I'll think you'll agree that mine knocks the socks off any machine translation. The style of the writing in German was stilted and formal, not what you need for children's games, but that is how the English text ended up sounding, too.

In the meantime, while waiting for clients to be bitten in the arse and return to translation agencies and translators, I shall tighten my belt. Fortunately, my pleasures are modest.

Series recommendation: Shakespeare & Hathaway: Private Investigators

This is such a cosy crime series - much in the line of Father Brown - that, just like Father Brown, it isn't shown in the evening but in the afternoon on BBC 1.

It stars Mark Benton as a dishevelled-looking Frank Hathaway, a former policeman, and Jo Joyner, as Luella Shakespeare, a former hairdresser. My favourite among the cast, however, is Sebastian, as played by Patrick Walshe McBride, who could pass as a brother of Anya Taylor-Joy. The poor boy is much put upon and has to dress up in all sorts of disguises.

As it is set in Stratford-upon-Avon, where the Bard (i.e. Shakespeare) once lived, each episode title has some reference to his works - as do the names of many of the characters involved.

It's full of humour and ingenuity and the forty 45-minute episodes are a pleasant way to while away the time.

TV series recommendation: McDonalds & Dodds

This is at least one thing my mother and I can agree on: we really like McDonald & Dodds - especially since it stars the low-key actor that is Jason Watkins. Anything he is in is bound to be good.

And for once, the crime series isn't based in London, or in Oxford, or in Manchester and not even in Scotland, but in the unlikely town of Bath. Genteel, Georgian Bath, where Jane Austen and her ilk used to 'take the waters', those 'waters' discovered by the Romans. It's refreshing to see a new backdrop to the crime stories. 

Jason Watkins plays Detective Sergeant Dodds, who is a bit of an oddball that the Chief Superintendent wants to get rid of. He is paired with the new Detective Chief Inspector, Lauren McDonald, who has transferred to Bath after a failed relationship. They are supported by a good recurring cast and a slew of old famous English actors that make special appearances.

McDonald has her difficulties in adjusting to Dodds (she finds it strange that he eats chips with butter), but, over time, she comes to appreciate his powers of observation and logic as well as his doggedness in digging up facts. Dodds is often like a dog with a bone. He won't let go.

I think what we appreciate most is the fact that the underdog comes out on top. 

Sadly, there have only been about eight 90-minute episodes so far, but I hope there will be a few more this year.

I just don't understand people - part 3

This morning, I was walking along the broad road around the corner that takes me to the library. It's that road where, a couple of months ago, a father said he couldn't cycle on the broad cycle path (wide enough for two bikes side by side and separated from the road by a grass verge and trees) because he had his son with him, which was why he had to cycle straight at me on the pavement.

And again, there's a cyclist heading straight towards me on the path for pedestrians. An old man. A man who looked like he'd come from some small village, so, thinking that he might not know about cycle paths, I pointed to the cycle path and said, "That's the cycle path." 

And he stops right in front of me and says, "Haben Sie Platz?" ("Have you got space?")

"That's not the point," I replied. And he kept repeating, "Haben Sie Platz? Haben Sie Platz?"

"Look," I said, moving to the cycle lane. "Should I walk here? Should I walk on the cycle path?" 

And he kept repeating his question., even though he had just passed a large symbol of a white bike painted on a red background on the cycle path to make it clear to even the thickest of road users that that was a cycle path. Meant for bikes. 

And then what did he do? Did he cycle away on the cycle path? No. He got off his bike and pushed it along the path meant for pedestrians. 

I just don't understand people. If the criterium for using the pavement is whether or not there is space for other people, then motorbikes can ride along pavements - and through parks and woodland, too. Hell, the Koenigsallee in Dusseldorf has a pavement on one side of the avenue that is broad enough for cars to drive along. Should they? After all, when the pedestrians protest, the drivers can still shout out of their windows, "Haben Sie Platz?"

Series recommendation: Queens of Mystery

 Here's another comedy-crime series that I have enjoyed recently: Queens of Mystery.

Basically, you've got three older women, all sisters, who also all write crime novels in a small village. Their 28-year-old niece, Matilda, is sent as a young constable back to her home, where all three of her aunts get involved in helping her solve the mysteries.

It's cosy in that the stories are never too gory. In the style of, say, Agatha Christie with the humour of Midsomer Murders. 

One of the sisters is played by Sarah Woodward, who is Professor T's secretary. Siobhan Redmond is another sister and Julie Graham (whom I have a bit of a crush on) makes up the third. And they are supported by a wealth of guest stars, such as Josette Simon, who used to be in Blake's 7 and who is another woman I can't see enough on TV. 

Two series so far, and just a meagre 12 episodes.

Artificial intelligence - like chopping your own legs off?

If you ask any translator (like me) about work this year, they will all tell you that work seems to have dropped off a cliff. Some people are getting only 50% of their normal workload.

And if you ask them why this is the case, the response will very likely be that companies are saving money by using (often free) apps such as Google Translate and the like to satisfy their translation needs. We've all heard about ChatGPT recently, right? And how it will eliminate many a thinking person's job. Professions mentioned include, for example, law professor, social worker and English teachers.

So the companies can save money on translation...but the knock-on effect is that with a thousand euros a month less (on average), I'm not spending money like I used to.

Ultimately, the companies will be about as well off as before: they'll save money on outgoings, but have less money coming into the company in sales of goods and services.

For an economy to flourish, money has to flow. It's a cycle. It's not about hoarding so you die with the biggest pile of money under your mattress. What goes around comes around is a saying that means that you will ultimately have to deal with the consequences of your actions. If the money isn't going around and flowing through society, the consequences will be many more poorer people and lower sales.

A rather short-sighted approach, don't you think? Rather like chopping your own legs off to save the expense of shoes and trousers.

My sinister life

Sinister is a word that means "giving the impression that something harmful or evil is happening or will happen". It is based on the Latin word for "left" (sinister). 

In the past, the right hand was considered the right hand to write with. Left-handed people were described as 'cack-handed'. The opposite is 'dexter' - from which we get 'dexterity' meaning "skill using the hands".

Anyway, why is my life 'sinister' right now? Because it seems that the left-hand side of the body is breaking up.

Three summers ago, I came back from holiday and rammed my elbow into the thin end of a door handle and since then, my shoulder has given me pain and still does. Two days later, I banged my left arm into the same door handle, making a big dent about 5 cm above the wrist. The index finger is still slightly number, but it's nothing like as bad as it was in the summer of 2020.

Recently, I overused my left thumb when typing on the computer, which means my left thumb now clicks - very painfully, too.

And then even more recently, I slipped on the cotton mat in the bathroom. My feet went skywards and my body was parallel to the ground. As I came down, two parallel lines of thought went through my mind: "This must look like something from a slapstick film. Oh, God, I'm going to come down. What's going to hit the floor. Please, not my head. I'm too young to die like this. Who's going to find my body?"

And as I came down, the left-hand side of my body hit the side wall of the bath. And then I tilted towards the right and landed on my right buttock. Strangely enough, I had no pain there. And even more weirdly, I had very little bruising on the left-hand side of my body. In fact, the only bit of bruising I could find was high up on my ribcage, just where the bra strap runs round the body to the back: it was as though someone had laid three sooty fingers on my body. The ribs were black - but not the space between them. That side of the body was swollen, though. 

Sneezing, coughing and laughing were very painful, but, thankfully, things did go the way Dr Google said it would. The information online said it would take two to four weeks to clear up and that's what happened. 

Now if only my shoulder, index finger and thumb would clear up so fast. It's a good thing that I'm very right-handed.

P.S. I forgot to mention that there are days when I wake up to toothache in the monstrous wisdom tooth on the left-hand side of my mouth. It's so huge that it towers over the rest, like Goliath over a crowd of Davids.