Past, future - but what about the present?

I have a confession to make: I am a great worrier. No, not 'warrior', like some hulking hunk who's managed to survive an entire series of Game of Thrones or some other bloodthirsty programme, but a person who worries a lot.

Years ago, my past seemed to be stuck on a loop, playing scenes from my childhood, adolescence and the previous years of my adulthood time and time again. Images flashed before my mind's eye, as they are supposed to do when you're on the brink of death. They haunted me. However, I found some weekend seminars on psychology at the local adult education centre and they, along with some private sessions with the woman that led them, helped me put the past (mostly) to rest. (No-one's perfect.)

Now, however, I worry constantly about the future and have been doing so for the last few years, ever since the pandemic started. I am forever making calculations about how much money I might be able to set aside for my old age and how much I might still be able to earn from teaching even when I get the full UK state pension, and what might happen if the exchange rate drops further, and so on and so forth. There are bits of paper with calculations on them scattered throughout the flat - not to mention the endpapers of books that I've used to jot down some figures. The pocket calculator is one of my most-used gadgets.

Yet what will all this worry bring me? Nothing. I've survived so far and I can be pretty certain that I will continue to survive in the future. After all, what do I need? I certainly don't need to keep up with the Joneses; I am no status seeker. What I cherish most is my freedom, such as my freedom to pick and choose the work I want to do. If that means I have to live in a bedsit (what the Germans call a "studio apartment"), then so be it. So long as I have a bed to sleep in (and earplugs), a place to wash myself and cook for myself and space to store my stuff, that's fine.

I have to remind myself of a popular German saying: Unkraut vergeht nicht. I've just checked the translation and LEO.org suggests "bad weeds grow tall". Basically, it's usually said to imply that you're a bad lot and should survive. Rather in the same vein as "only the good die young", implying that you are a right old devil and should live to a ripe old age.

One thing I did a lot of last week was looking for inspirational quotes. I read a lot of quotes by Marcus Aurelius and then widened the search a bit.

This is one quote that I liked best:

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow; it only saps today of its joy.

How true.

And to finish, here's a nice quote from the Dalai Lama:

If there is no solution to the problem, then don't waste time worrying about it. If there is a solution to the problem, then don't waste time worrying about it.

If only I could put that into practice. I shall try.